Wanderlust...not so much.

I like to move, not everything I own, but just my own person. I like to dance and act goofy; I like to jump in the car and go places at random; I like to be away exploring. This has not been true as of late.

I think I am in a new season of life. One where being where I want to be is quite difficult. I have taken a job that keeps me on the go. Last week I was in Lumberton, Whiteville, and Rocky Mount. This week I will be off overnight to Greenville and Jacksonville. (All locations mentioned are in North Carolina.) As I have taken this job I also have just started to settle into a new apartment. I am so happy to feel a little settled and not have to live between the spare bedrooms of my parents' houses. Along with actually making use of my day planner now, I have started to establish this feeling of a set regimen.

I searched the term "wanderlust" to see what it really means. I've used it and wanted to make sure I had it right. The interesting part was not in the definition, which in the modern english it connotates a desire for frequent travel (ha! I was using it right), but instead in the true German term Fernweh. Fernweh is "an ache for the distance." I have quite the opposite desire. I long for the closeness. The comfort of family, a set place of work, a familiar bed, seeing friends on a regular basis are the things I desire. The German for that is Heimweh, which is homesickness.

My last blog referenced C.S. Lewis and his thoughts on how our worldly desires are more deeply rooted in our longings for something beyond this world. This has become a bit of a preoccupation of mine, looking for what my desires here and now are really supposed to tell me. In that respect, I want that closeness and comfort. The ability to be out in the desert, in the hands of my enemies, sleeping in the storm, rag wearing and locust eating and be completely happy in the hands of my God. That though I travel I am at home as my God is with me and I no longer have this heimweh. I pray that as things change I don't forget my anchor when the storm tosses me a bit. I also pray that over the coming months as I establish a family and a home that my foundation is sure. I cannot control the things of this world, but I can control my reaction, and I want my first reaction to be that I hit my knees. For those of you who are people of faith, I ask for your support. Also pray this as a general for those that aren't of the faith.

I am a quite immature in my faith, but like the adolescent, I want to be older than I am. I have to trust in God's timing and wisdom. Pray for our heimweh, that we may find it.